were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We talked him into tasing himself.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Are we still banned from the library?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
