just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Two words: nipple clamps
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