I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
