Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
