sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
