Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
