Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
