i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We left the knife in your bed.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
