just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She tied me up with her honor cords...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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