Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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