vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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