when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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