mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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