i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
