I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
