drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize