Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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