***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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