is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize