I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
