I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
