I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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