the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
