can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
