So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
