Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
