I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
