My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wish you could order shots online.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We have so much sex to catch up on
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
