Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
