I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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