I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
