I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
