Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
