Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
