He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Come on in and take your pants off
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