If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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