You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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