Yo dont text me then not text me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
What drink are we having for lunch?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
