I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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