At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
