Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
