i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
