Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize