perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
