So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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