I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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