if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
