I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i believe in u and ur pee
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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