Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
