I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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