i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
