I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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