I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
