god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
