Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you never un-have a 4some
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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