with your own penis?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
