Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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