didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
