so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
