beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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