how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
