sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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