My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
