i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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