the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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