I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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