Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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