I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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