Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
